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I BE MANLY!
Apr. 30th, 2008
10:41 pm - Read The News Today Oh Boy
So I was reading google news today, as I'm wont to do once in a while. And a few items caught my interest...
First there was this thing about some Disney star that posed for some racy pictures in Vanity Fair. I don't know her name nor do I really care, but apparently she's 15. And I saw some of the pictures that wAs posted on the internet, as I'm not crazy enough to buy the magazine for them (although I should, judging my interest in such things!) And frankly speaking, I can't really understand what the hoopla is all about. I mean, it just shows a bit of skin...that would most likely show anyways. Just because it's a sheet and not a dress doesn't mean that it's any more objectionable. And besides, chicks wearing sheets is an old art thing.
Man, I miss last year, when that other disney chick took a naked picture of herself and sent it to some lucky motherfucker. That chick ruled and I'm a big fan of her, even though I don't remember her name. Why can't I have someone taking naked pictures of themselves and sending them to me, huh? Preferably female. And over 18. And without grandkids. That's not too much to ask, right?
Or like Britney's sister, getting pregnant at her age, like a good little redneck. But yeah, the Vanity Fair pictures are nothing to write home about.
Speaking about Britney...I'm still waiting for the sex tape. I mean, the surveillance footage of her making out with another chick is just not enough for the buying public! We need a full-fledged sex tape, dammit! If Marilyn Monroe can do it, so can you, Britney! I bet any sex tape you make would be much better than Paris's! So go empower yourself and make a tape!
In other mildly interesting news, apparently Maoists had gained a majority seats in Nepal's upcoming constitutional convention. Upon reading that I said to myself...Maoist? Come on, not even the Chinese are Maoist anymore. Mao is probably not a Maoist anymore, if that old cocksucker was alive today.
And is it just me or is the thought of China hosting the Olympics don't really feel...right. They're the Chinese, after all, and they had a rough time the past couple of years. I'm just waiting for something bad to happen and the Chinese government to make it worse... Like if some left wing bleeding heart PETA donating new age hippies stage a protest in Beijing before or during the Olympics and the Chinese government cracks down on it like it's 1989. The Chinese government makes the military junta in Myamar look like Jimmy Carter, after all. Or like lead paint peeling off the athlete's condos and a thousand top ranked amateur athletes getting horribly sick...if the air pollution or chemical additives in the food doesn't make them sick first. But yeah, I feel like I'm watching the first act in a disaster movie when I watch the Olympic coverage.
Apr. 1st, 2008
04:11 pm - Santa Claus is Coming to Town
The Today Show announced the other day that Kathie Lee Gifford will be joining the show on their fortieth hour of programming or something. So she would be on an hour everyday with some guy who I don't know. Kathie Lee herself issued a statement as well.
Man, I can almost see the little kids in Central America, sitting in hot, stifling rooms, typing out Kathie Lee's press releases.
Heh, yeah, that was a cheap shot, but hey, that was the first thing that popped into my mind and it made me laugh, no less.
And Barack Obama was in Pennsylvania at some bowling alley, where he proceeded to bowl a 37. I don't think I need a joke here. Speaking about something not needing anything else to make it funny, Hillary Clinton is still campaigning.
Mar. 29th, 2008
04:00 pm - Con Edison
A piece of news I have been following with interest recently is this bit about an Hong Kong actor called Edison Chen. Apparently he slept with a bunch of other Hong Kong actresses and took pictures of them. It has been reported that he had like more than 10,000 pictures on his computer. Then the moron left the computer at a computer store and some of the pictures leaked.
Let me first say...way to go, boy!! You, my man, is my hero, just like Colin Farrell. This guy was living dream of every other straight man out there. My favorites were Bobo and Gillian. I do question the wisdom in actually taking pictures, but hey, I applaud his actions.
There's a few comments I have though, after viewing the pictures that were available. First of all, the majority of the chicks in the pictures never really had the pleasure of making an acquaintance with Lady Bic. I mean, I've seen less hair on mountain gorillas than what was there between their legs. I mean, this one chick had hair coming down to her knees, almost.
And perhaps this small collection of leaked pictures doesn't speak for the 10,000+ pics in the computer, but it seems to me that the activities were somewhat...monotonous. I mean, it was nudity, oral sex then regular sex. There were a costume here and there, but I would have thought that a dude who's supposed to be a singer and an actor would have a bit more...creativity. I mean, the chicks are supposed to be some of the hottest chicks in Asia, the object of desire for millions of guys (and some chicks, hey, I'm fair!), and all he can think of is to take pictures of them licking his schlong? And most of the pics were in his bedroom. How dull and uncreative can you be, man?
I do hope, though, that Cecilia's kid is his. I mean, after all this, it would be REALLY funny if her kid was someone else's.
And oh yeah, just for the people who haven't seen the pictures, Edison is half the man Tommy is. *SNICKER* But hell, Tommy is a monster, anyways. Just goes to show you how unfair life is. Being the drummer for Motley Crue is not enough, he gotta have an equipment that rivals a donkey with penile extension surgery done. I mean, if you were built like that, you can be a dishwasher at a greasy diner and chicks will still flock to you once you whip it out and start swinging it around, you know?
Mar. 20th, 2008
10:31 am - Bandwagon Encirclement
I started playing World of Warcraft this week. Yeah, after years of resisting, I decided to play, since a close friend is playing. And according to that friend, it seemed like the World of Warcraft was the best invention since sliced bread. And you know what, it's not a bad little game. There's a lot of quests that moves the action along without it looking like it's on a rail and although there's a quite a bit of go kill 6 of this or 10 of that, the enemies still all look different even though they're the WoW version of rats. But killing 6 wolves then 10 zombies looks a lot better than going and killing 6 rats then 10 more rats.
And I love the fact that there's no load screens. I'm used to load screens in all the games I played - I mean, I played a Texas Hold'em poker games that had a long-ass load screen, so having such a big game with no load times except when first logging in is amazing. I think I'm gonna get spoiled now and think that all games should have no load times.
In fact, it would be one of the best games that came along in a few years if it wasn't for the other fuckers playing the game at the same time as me. I mean, yeah, I teamed up twice and had a much easier job doing a quest than when playing alone, but hell, that's what the difficulty settings and pause button is for. I mean, I can play it on the "normal" or "hard" setting then switch back to "easy" when things get too crowded.
And also, it seems like I can't run that fast. Which is ok, except when some fast running fucker on a chocobo runs across from me when I'm in the middle of a quest, dragging like five enemies in his wake, at which time the said enemies decide I'm a better target and start gang attacking me. I died several times that way. I woulda said some choice words to those motherfuckers, like don't run across me like 5 feet away towing enemies when I'm questing...if I just knew HOW.
And why is it that people keep coming up to me and asking me questions? Jeez, I only played since Monday, for crying out loud. I mean, I'm here enjoying my game experience, so I don't need some idiot coming up to me and asking idiot questions. Who's bright idea was it anyways to drop people into my game? Ahhhh well, I'm good at ignoring, so I just ignore whatever questions and continue killing my rats. Although it gets a bit annoying when they start going in circles around me. And it seems that I can't kill them...although with my newness, I'll die instantly if I tried.
And speaking about dying instantly, there's places I go to where it seems like there's a road in, but I die instantly at the gates. Is this some sort of psychological test or something? I mean, why put something where I can't go, but it's invitingly open? So that the game will count how many times I'm stupid enough to try, even though it's clearly futile? What, so they got too attached to lab rats and decided that game players were better substitutes? I can't blame them, after all, them lab rats are mighty cute, but still, I get a little bit miffed when I'm treated as a test subject.
My friend called it "an instance" and that "I need to go with other people." But even at that, it doesn't really make much sense to me, since when I play with other people, I always lag behind since I'm such a sucky gamer. And it's a game, so I like to play at MY pace, not on someone else's. I mean, I paid for it (well, I'm on a trial now, but still, it was a 4 gigabyte (!) download, so it's almost like paying for it!), so why do I have to be some other guy's Lando? I want to be Han, dammit!
And yeah, mixed metaphors. But I couldn't think of anything related without me sounding like a total geek.
And oh yeah, I hate when enemies that I killed appear again. I read somewhere that it's called "spawning". I wish they did that in the privacy of their own homes, instead of doing it behind me so that when I killed them and went ahead to the quest area, they've been fruitful and was multiplying so that I get a nasty surprise when I run out with the prize. Especially when I'm not getting any action. I mean, I died a couple of times before I figured that one out - that the game enemies get more action than me. Damn, but it sure is a blow to my ego.
So yes, I've been playing since Monday, and I'm at level 16 already. You can find me in the nearest woods, running through another quest. Just look for the guy with one hand on his dick at all times. Heh.
Mar. 17th, 2008
10:27 am - A Break in the Fold
We interrupt this regularly scheduled humorous blog post (humorous to me at least, hey, what can I say, I'm my own favorite comedian) to talk about something a little bit more serious.
Apparently there's a large scale riots occurring in Tibet right now, led by monks, a la Burma (or what the hell, Myanmar). And according to news reports, the Chinese government is cracking down on the protesters, again a la Burma. Or Myanmar, for those who have to be politically correct.
I think this begs the question, just what the hell is the Chinese government doing? China has a lot of problems right now - pollution, skyrocketing wealth gap, horrendous safety issues, lethal food, pyramid schemes, and so on, so they definitely don't need the additional negative publicity. So from where I sit, it's clearly a bad idea to go military junta on the poor Tibetans wanting their own country. Especially with the Olympics coming up, there were already some rumblings about boycotting the Olympics and if this gets any worse, then it'll be 1980/1984 all over again, with only the countries who have heavy financial interests in China going to the Olympics. Like the U.S.
But before we all become alarmists, I do have this question though. Why do the Chinese want Tibet so much? For the yaks and the mountains and the Buddhist monks? If it was like 20 years ago, then yeah, they might have wanted a buffer region in their borders just in case Ronald Reagan stormed up the Himalayas. Right now, I don't think Bush would want to storm into Tibet, since there's no oil there and thus, he would never be able to get permission from Cheney.
Look, government of China. Just because you're still clinging to the last vestiges of communism doesn't mean you have to go all Stalin on their ass whenever something threatens your stranglehold on power. You're such an economic powerhouse that as long as it's quiet, no one will give a fuck. So stop shooting at the poor Tibetans!
Changing topics here, just briefly, why the fuck does Iran ever bother with elections? Who do they think they're trying to fool? Definitely not the Iranian people, I'm sure, judging from the results. After Saddam got toppled (99.8% approval rating!), Iran probably has the lamest rubber stamp elections in the world right now, so it would at least be more honest to just admit that it's a religious totalitarian state.
I mean, the country is led my religious figures. I'm sure they can do honesty once in a while, although being religious leaders, I agree that it would be difficult. But still, it would be much more preferable than having the Nigerians laugh at you for having such an obviously rigged election.
Mar. 16th, 2008
09:16 am - Strange Bedfellows
Speaking of politics, another news story I'm following with half an interest is the Eliot Spitzer scandal. You know, the Governor of New York who was caught with a $4,000 hooker.
And this leads to the question...and this is wrong....why? Am I the first one who had that question?
There's probably not a guy in this world that would have jumped at the chance if we could afford a hooker costing half that much. I mean even I, who finds paying for sex distasteful, had visited the odd red light districts acouple of times in my life, just to say I did, of course. And if the newspapers have the right chick in the photos, she's a pretty hot piece of ass, I would think.
It is ironic though, that this dude apparently prosecuted a few prostitution rings when he was a prosecutor. But then again, politicians are famous for "do as I say not as I do" so Spitzer shouldn't be a surprise. I mean, there was last year, this senator who was caught soliciting sex in a male bathroom from another male, who in his day job, fought bitterly against gay marriage and for heterosexual marriage amendment.
Well I guess even if you like getting a helping hand from your fellow man, as long as you don't marry him, it's alright.
But what I don't understand is, the governor of New York, gonna have chicks left and right who's perfectly willing to spread their legs for him. So why would he have to buy it? There's some people who says that it's because of the anonymity and no frills sex...but then I am SURE the governor of the great state of New York can find a few hot chicks who would do that for him without involving a prostitution ring.
Sometimes, I think politicians should learn how to properly abuse their power. I mean, Bill Clinton, that's my man right there, nailing a college chick in the Oval Office. Why can't more politicians be like that, instead of pandering for a handjob in a public bathroom at an airport? If there are more politicians who can properly exercise their power like Clinton did, the world will be a much better place, my friends.
Mar. 15th, 2008
09:13 am - The Golden Ass
Since politics and governments intrigue me, like how a car wreck intrigues me (I've seen a particularly gory one a few months back, but that's another story that no one would like to hear), I've been following the American presidential race off and on. Well, it's bound to be a historic one, in any event. I mean, a dude pushing 80 against either a black dude with an odd name or a chick. You can't make this up, I swear.
But first of all, since when did the presidential campaign start 2 years before the actual election? I swear the campaingn process is becoming longer with each election. If it continues like this, the the campaigning for the 2012 election might start like...right after the 2008 election.
Ahhh but what can I say about the US Presidential election that has been said by millions of others before and in probably more than half the time said more eloquently and with more thoughts and ideas behind it than me? Not much. Except for that...I dunno, I don't really think Barack Obama has that good a chance in winning the general election, just because of his name.
I was looking at the list of US presidents on the handy-dandy wikipedia, and noted that, other than everyone being white men, everyone had very plain, apple pie kinda names. Only person with any kind of interesting name was Martin Van Buren and Dwight (what the fuck kinda name is Dwight?). So if Barack Obama had a very plain name, like John Smith or something, then I would have said that he had a good chance at becoming president. But I dunno, I don't think the American general public is willing to elect a president named Barack.
Or am I overestimating the American public? Not sure, but I don't think so, or else American Idol would have been drummed out of its ass years ago.
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hornyMar. 14th, 2008
01:42 pm - The Return of the Goatee
Several years ago, I was growing this goatee, and I wrote a few blog entries about it, as I remember. I've been growing one again recently, with the difference being that the last one was only on my chin but this time, I'm growing a mustache as well for the full effect.
I just happened to look at my face earlier today, and I thought that it made me look rather evil. You know, Evil Jun.
Well, it also made me laugh. But then again, looking at my face in the mirror, which I do once every week or two inspite of all my efforts to not look at my whole face, always makes me laugh at the minimum (thank god I don't use straight razors or laughing won't be all I'd do when I look at my face in the mirror), so laughing at my facial hair is a definite improvement, I think.
I was also surprised a little and how much hair I have now on my face. Before, I was never known for my bushiness, but nowadays I can grow myself a decent beard. I mean, before, I was fine shaving like twice a week, now I have to shave like every day to avoid the ugly stubbling. (And as I well know, it's best if I avoid any additional ugliness.) I think it's the pent-up male hormones after not having regular sex for the past several years that's causing the excessive facial hair.
Anyways, yeah, I've been very bored recently, yeah. Heh. Well at least I'm not dyeing the aforementioned goatee. Yet. When it does happen though, I would think that someone would need to shoot me to put me out of my misery. Hehehehe.
Nov. 13th, 2006
05:30 pm - Toys R Us Kid
As much as I hate to admit it, although the hair on the top of my head, no longer as bushy as it once was (I can see my scalp! ACK!) does, I'm not getting any younger. And I remember that I despised adults while growing up, since adults, by their very nature are a dishonest, hypocritical, staid, boring, uptight, self-righteous lot. So as little Jun had decided that I will never become one of those assholes when I grow up. So I firmly believe that I, through constant effort, is at least keeping my maturity level at a healthy 14, by following these simple, easy to follow steps.
1. Drunk people are funny. I try my best to laugh at drunk, middle aged men, stumbling around drunk out of their gourd by 8 P.M. Of course to do that, it means although I do drink, I can't get drunk like them and stumble around drunk out of my gourd by 8 P.M. That requires a constant drinking to keep my body inured in alcohol.
Although at the moment, I'm cutting back on my drinking, since my liver's probably the size of Australia now. That and the fact that my pants are getting small. Fuck my liver, gimme back my waist size!
2. I take the time to crash and burn while climbing the stairs to keep my "fuck the world" attitude in top shape. Especially falling down in the middle of a huge crowd of people in rush hour. Bonus points if I slide down a couple of steps. Then of course, I would nonchalantly get up, look around scowling, and get back to what I was doing: watching the ass of the chick in front of me.
And my coworker said something last week that amazed me, since I didn't think of it. I was complaining of all the hills around the building here at work and how I hate walking anywhere because it's a hike, and she remarked that it's good for keeping butts in shape. At which point my face broke into a dumb realization of why chicks have such nice butts in this neighborhood.
Well, at least my shins can still take falling off stairs.
3. I watch as much porn that I can. Well, that also goes to why I don't have a girlfriend at the moment, but still, there's nothing like watching nasty, perverted, sickening porn to remind me of the time when I watched my first porno video in second grade.
4. I refuse to wear a suit to work. I see too many people who just graduated from college who wear suits like they're in kindergarten and it's uniform day. And the expression of those poor bastards is one of pride, that they managed to find a job that doesn't require them to wear a shirt that has their name printed on it (that glow lasts for like a month), and more commonly, of someone trapped in a rut that they can't chew their legs out of.
And besides, due to the peculiar department that I work for, I can make exceptions to the rule and insist that I'm not just another suit. So I normally wear jeans and T-Shirt to work. No, I'm not in the IT department - the IT department wears suits too. But I oversee and enforce the ethics and morality of the company, so in a sense, I'm kinda above the law. It is a bit funny though - Jun on morals.
Necking in the stairway? Sure, why not. Head under the desk? Great, go right on ahead. Make heated love in front of all your co-workers? Keep up the great work. A forty year old dude boffing his 25 year old assistant? GRRRRRRRRRRRR. Motherfucker! What kinda of an immoral bastard would touch the office staff? I'll fucking drop him off the top of the building here, I swear!
Of course, after dropping the motherfucker off the top of the building, I gotta remember to file for a transfer for the, uh, victim. To the ethics and morals department. To make sure that there were no, uh, psychological scarring or anything like that. Yeah...that's the ticket...
Anyways, I have other stuff I do to keep my mental maturity at the lowest level possible. But then I have to get back to pretending to work. Enforcing the morals of the company.
*SNICKERS*
Nov. 8th, 2006
05:00 pm - Grumpy Old Men
My current job entails me riding on the plane a lot. As I get older, I notice that the fake friendly cheer displayed by the flight attendants is beginning to annoy me more and more. I don't really understand it - I never really minded it before. Mebbe it's because I ride on the plane more frequently now, so I notice it more. Or it's just that I'm getting more and more grumpy as I get older.
So occasionally, I call them "stewardess". In a really loud voice. They really hate being called a "stewardess". HEH HEH HEH.
I'm on one of my trips right now and I'm sharing a hotel room with a co-worker. Male. Grrrrrr. I woke up screaming from a nightmare for two mornings straight. I have one more night to go. Being in such a close proximity to another guy is giving me bad vibes, I swear.
From tomorrow, I will be sleeping alone. Which is almost as bad as sleeping with another guy. But since I'm used to it by now, I don't wake up screaming from a nightmare.
Well...at least not often.
Nov. 4th, 2006
04:29 pm - Judgment Day
Speaking about the White House, it's been 6 years since Bush became President, and honestly speaking, things aren't as bad off as I had expected in the beginning. Of course, I'm fairly liberal, so if it's coming from me, you can take it to the bank. Anyways, since the midterm elections are so close, I was just thinking about the current political climate.
Naturally, there's some negatives in the last six years. But then again, what politician is totally positive, right? Politicians who're not corruptible is like finding a diamond ring in pig shit. Not impossible, but highly unlikely.
Anyways, I think the good things outweigh the bad, and what bad things there are, it's not all THAT bad. Like the deficit. although it's the largest deficit in history, I'm sure if a Democrat like Clinton was in office, the deficit would have been really worse. I mean, we all know that Democrats spend tax money like there's no tomorrow, right? Like as if a Democratic president can ever balance the budget.
And the War on Terror. If a Democrat was in office, he would do some totally unnecessary things like shooting missiles into suspected Al Qaeda hideouts, instead going invading the real den of terror, Iraq. Those Iraqi bastards have been building chemical and nuclear weapons, after all. I'm 100% confident that we'll find them soon.
Then take Hurricane Katrina, for example. So Bush was sitting on his ass for a week, while countless number of people were suffering through agonizing, even-worse-than-third-world-country conditions. But who cares? All the rich folks fled the city, and all you had left were poor people, who'd never vote Republican in their life, so why would the President give a rat's ass about them right? He's an important person after all, he has better things to do. Like trim his shrubs at his ranch.
And besides, one clearly good thing: tax cuts. Now the people who received the majority of the tax cuts can take it easy and buy that fourth Lambourghini that they've always wanted without worrying about the additional money. Like everyone knows that three $250,000 cars are nowhere enough in this day and age.
And of course, Bush did the right thing in banning stem cell research, to protect the little human lives that are frozen in the freezers of fertility clinics. And everyone knows that the life of a little zygote floating in liquid nitrogen is far more valuable that some sick old dude, right?
And Tom DeLay, that was his own stupid fault. No one will believe that such a low ranking Congressional member would have any ties to the President or other Republicans, right? I mean, it's not like DeLay had any real power even before the corruption indictments.
Last but not least, let's not forget the immigration issue. The President really got some good ideas and wants to do the right thing - it's just that those dickwads in Congress is not going along with him. How can he get anything done, like reducing the deficit if not balancing the budget, if he gotta fight the bastards in Congress every step of the way? If Republicans had the majority in Congress, this would never have...uh...nevermind.
Anyways, judging from the past six years, things are just peachy. So everyone should go out on election day, vote, and tell the world how peachy things still are.
Nov. 3rd, 2006
12:42 pm - Short Shorts
Recently we hired someone, who just got out of college. So she's like...21. Ok, so I was talking to her while working, and it turns out that her boyfriend is like 30. And a computer geek. Ok. So I gnash my teeth. Then we hire someone else, who's a little older, at 25. And so I talk to her too, and she was just dumped by a 40 year old guy. Last week, I heard rumors that my assistant, who's 27 and whom I also hired, is dating a guy who's like in his 40s, And I know that bastard and whenever I see him outside, he dresses like my dad does at home. You know, wifebeater undershirt and flimsy shorts.
I'm in desparate need of a dentist now, due to all my gnashing of teeth. From now on, whenever I interview a job applicant I swear I'm going to ask if she has a boyfriend and if so, how old the bastard is.
And yes, I hire only women. So sue me.
Speaking of bastards, I have this tendency of referring to the boyfriends of women I know as bastards. I was talking on MSN with my friend Sanna the other day, and when she told me about how she, her friend and their boyfriends are getting together, I started referring to them as Your Bastard and Her Bastard. And as soon as I said it, I got the impression that I was going a little too far. I mean, yeah, I'm envious, but that doesn't mean that I need to call their bastards, bastards, you know? Oops, did it again. Anyways, I thought it would be best if I didn't show my envy that way. It makes me look real petty. So I need to stop calling them bastards.
I'll just go and burn their houses down, or something.
Maybe it's for the above reasons, but I think I'm losing my sense of humor. Nothing I do is fun anymore, and I can't seem to find any new things to be funny about. Most of the time, when I talk to other people, I end up telling old stories and going through the motions. Like variations of the same theme. Mebbe it's a sign that I'm getting old, repeating the same stories over and over, or it's just that I've been really busy recently and didn't have the time to think and develop new jokes. It takes a lot of brain power to come up with new stories. And I'm running a bit short of neurons at the moment.
What I need is I need a vacation somewhere there's a lot of absurdity. Not even for long, just a week would do. Just somewhere with a lot of inherent stupidity so that I can make fun of it easily. You know, a place where jokes would flow like water and the dumbassedness would be on a cosmic scale.
So it's only in the planning stages, but yup, am planning to go on a vacation. To the White House.
Heh.
Nov. 2nd, 2006
02:10 pm - Nefarious!
Speaking about memory storage devices, another reason why I don't have a girlfriend: DVD+R disks. Well, that and my own stupidity.
For some reason, when I talk to chicks, like at a bar or something, conversation always turns to how much porn guys watch, then I HAVE TO mention the 200+ data DVD's and the 200 GB external hard drive full of porn and my desire to buy the new 750GB hard drive to store more porn in. Perhaps the conversation goes that way because I make it clear pretty early on that I'm the most perverted guy this side of that guy from meatholes.com. And that bastard's just cruel, not that perverted.
Anyways, that's the time chick starts looking at her watch and asks for her check.
And I blame it all on DVD's. And when those high density DVD's come out, it's gonna be even worse.
Before I got my DVD burner, I had to burn all my porn onto CD's, so I only downloaded clips or stuff I really really wanted to watch. I mean, since the capacity was so small, comparatively, that if I burned all I wanted, then I would be like buried up to my neck in CD's. But now that I can make a 4.5 GB disc, I'm downloading hundreds of whole movies. I mean, I have so much that I haven't even watched a third of my collection yet. And the other third, I just skimmed through the best bits.
So I blame it entirely on cheap DVD burners and blank disks. Yup. If it weren't for them, mebbe I'll score more often.
Of course, I also need to get radical plastic surgery...
Speaking about my looks...I posted this like last year, but I think my hair's lessening on the top of my head, I swear. The top of my head is indeed feeling a bit lighter than the sides or the back. I used to have fully bushy hair all around my cranium, but now, when I run my fingers through, I notice a definite sparseness on the top. Man, I do NOT need to go bald to go along with my face. If that happens, I'll NEVER get any. Jeez. Why is fate so cruel, eh?
Oct. 26th, 2006
04:53 pm - Memories Off 2nd
After the Steam Age, Electronic Age, Computer Age, and the Information Age, I believe that we're now in the "Memory Age". I mean, I bet even the most average of people carry around more memory than a whole herd of elephants.
Just to start off, the iPod Nano. When did that become a status symbol and just who came up with the idea that it might be good to wear it around you neck? With earphones plugged into the ears. While walking around in a crowded city, so that I can hit you with my car for being such an asshole, wearing the motherfucking 8 GB IPod Nano around your neck, in the brand new Commie Red. Of course, if you DO have an iPod Nano, then you must also have a second MP3 player somewhere on your body, since the batteries on the iPod lasts an entire half-hour. Yeah...5,000 hours of music, 3 hour battery life. Genius!
And then for a while now, there's the digital cameras with 2 GB flash memory. 2 GB means you can take a thousand high resolution pictures. What the fuck, I don't even HAVE a thousand pictures of my entire extended family going up to my great grandfather. Aside from passport photos, I have like...5 pictures of my face in the last 10 years, 4 of them taken with my webcam. Yeah yeah, people tell me, "Oh, but you can take videos with it!" There's only one type of video I would like to take and it's not kid video. Well...I guess you can say that it's kinda related to babies. But just practicing, since I don't want one.
Let's not forget those little tiny jump drives. Ok, so I'm guilty here, I got one in my purse...uh, MANLY side bag. A generic 2GB jump drive. My excuse: to carry at least 1% of my porn collection with me wherever I go so I can look at it whenever I get the urge. But I have ONE. I've seen dudes that even wear THAT around their neck, and have like 5 of them, all in different colors. So of course, since I have no idea why in the world would anyone want to have 5 jump drive, I ask, "Dude, what the fuck?!" And the answer is, "The white one if for my work files, the black one is for my personal files, the yellow one is for my Worlds of Warcraft character stats and Warcraft III savegames, The red one is for my Alias fan fictions, and the blue one is for the photos of the girl I used to like at school, which I took with a 120 mm extreme zoon lens." At which point I need to yell, "Dude, what the fuck?!" again.
And besides that just goes to show you that no matter how much advanced mankind become, he's still the same. I would think that 50,000 years ago, Turog the Caveman wore bones from his dinner the night before around his neck just to show how much he just ate. So more bones = more food, and more food = status. And so now, modern man wears his iPod and jump drives around his neck just to show how big a fuckin' loser the motherfucker is. See? The same, except that perhaps Turog would have been much more fun to hang around with, with his fleas and ticks and smelliness and all.
But the real prize winner, the thing that simply proclaims your immense geekitude is a Blackberry. Nothing says, "When I was in school, I never had any girlfriends and was beat up every other day, but now after making a million bucks on my website, I'm flooded with chicks and I can pay a wiseguy to beat up all those guys that beat me up before" like a Blackberry in your pocket. Sure, the thing only has 64MB - absolutely puny in today's world - but what other device lets you so conveniently answer emails and IM with your friends while you're in the bathroom like a blackberry, huh? Which personally is a good thing for me, just in case I would like to talk to the geek while he's taking a dump. Which might indeed happen once or twice. In the next million years or so.
Since I take the subway a lot, acting like the good plebian that I am, I see a lot of people with other devices, like watching a movie on their PSP and other portable DVD and TV players, portable 100 GB hard drive on their belts, talking on their MP3 enabled cell phones...and why the fuck does cell phones work in the subway but when I'm trying to get a decent signal at home, I need to stand in the closet, on my head, holding a aluminum bowl in my hand and holding one of those old TV antennas on my toes? Is there anywhere I can be free of the dreaded cell phone? I ditch it as often as I can, but whenever I do, I have to get ready for the shitstorm I must endure afterwards just because I was out of touch for a few hours.
Anyways, in the very near future, I believe geek cock size compensation would be accomplished by comparing how much memory one is wearing. I imagine the following conversation:
"d00d, I'm wearing 200 gigabytes!"
"y00 SuXx0rS! I got 350 gigabytes!"
Like, you know, how in the past there was this big scare about inner city kids killing each other for basketball shoes? How nice it would be if it happened for storage devices worn around the neck...*sigh*.
Dec. 27th, 2005
04:03 pm - Putting the XXX in Christmas
When talking about Christmas, some Christians go apoplectic over the so-called secularization of Christmas. To them, since Christmas signifies the birth of Christ, replacing it with general "holiday spirit" seems to be some sort of a heresy of something. Decorating a tree, giving gifts, getting drunk, getting laid, or causing general mayhem doesn't seem to be the Christian way of spending Christmas.
Nevermind the fact that Christmas was actually ripped off from the Mithrans. And so what if the early church celebrated the birth of Christ on January, but the church wanted to cash in on the year-end festivities of Bacchus and Mithras? Who wuld remember something that happened two thousand years ago, right? No one would live their life by some stuff written down from that far back, I don't think.
The problem with Christmas is not because of secularization. The problem with Christmas is its popularity. Let's face it, Christmas was popular before, but every year, it seems gaining ground. You don't have any Hasidic Jews bellyachin' about the secularization of Hannukah, right? Because no one else celebrates Hannukah. But you go to fucking Mongolia, and they're celebrating Christmas.
So we have a bunch of non-Christians celebrating Christmas. To us it's nothing more than a time to party. Or in my case, personally, to say "BAH, HUMBUG!" five thousand times in a span of 24 hours. And here we have the Christians, instead of remembering Christ, especially His words about loving thy neighbors and doing unto others what you want others to do unto you, bitching because their "special" holiday has been overtaken by a herd of fucking heathens having an orgy in the snowy streets of Detroit, Michigan.
You know how Christians talk about how much of a bad thing inclusiveness and tolerance is? And no wonder why the number of seriously fundamentalist Christians dwindle every year. Xenophobia is soooooo 20th century, don't you think?
Sydney and Paris notwithstanding, of course.
Dec. 20th, 2005
12:49 pm - Left Wing Conspiracy
So my favorite Fundie write Ingrid Schuleter's got herself a spanking new website. And of course, since I'm her number one fan, I go there several times a week to check out her latest vitriolix diatribes, ignoring the crap posted by other people who are not as nasty as she is. What can I say, I love me a nasty woman.
Anyways, she apparently said something negative about Shrub's war in the desert on her radio show last month, and she was inundated with hate mail berating her for speaking negatively about a Republican president. A president who shamelessly pander to the religious right, no less. And of course, little Ingrid has been shocked, to say the least, to receive the full conservative fury.
I think this shows what a shrew political operator Shrub and company is, aside from the fact that Fundies in the media nowadays are like a pack of rabid wolves, viciously tearing apart whatever that they think is not "right" or not "correct" or is "unchristian". By paying lip service to Jesus, Mary and Joseph, Bush was able to single-handedly get that pack on the side. And judging from some of the reactions when someone says anything negative about Ol' Shrubbie, he might've well received a mandate from heaven or something and there is a dogma of Presidential Infallibility in place for his administration.
I remember when Clinton was being ripped to shreds by the media, none of us liberals never really defended him like some Fundies do of Bush, like a mama bear protecting her late-born cubs. We liberals have a sense of humor and proportion about the politicians in the Democratic party. Sure, they're lesser of two evils, and sure they might do some good, but they're human after all and they will make stupid mistakes. Like getting a blowjob from a chubby intern in the Oval Office. I think conservatives and liberals, Republicans and Democrats, the raving, spitting lunatics and sane, civilized human beings would all agree, that was a mistake.
But we never thought Clinton was God's gift to the Beltway (other than being God's gift to chubby or bony, rather homely women), chosen by the Almighty to rid this country of the heathen excesses and bring back the puritanical morality that the country has been founded on, like how apparently Bush is.
So welcome to the real world, Ingrid. I hope you get an inkling of what people like us who don't base our lives in what some 2000 year old book says lives in the world.
Tune in next week, when I talk about my trips. Then there's also a heartfelt post about my love life, or lack thereof. Then to get into the festive moods of all the end of the year parties, I might belt out a few tunes too, if I'm drunk enough to mistake my room for a Karaoke.
See ya next week!
Nov. 23rd, 2005
09:17 pm - Come Fly Away
I'm in Singapore now. Please leave a message after the beep.
Nov. 9th, 2005
07:01 pm - Joke Preserves
This was featured on the latest Dilbert newsletter:
Dear Dogbert,
I need to find a girlfriend, but I am very ugly. How can I find a girl that
doesn't care how I look?
Ethan
Dear Heathen,
There are plenty of girls who value character above looks. They are called blind
girls. And as Ed Harris well knows, it also helps to be rich.
Sincerely,
Dogbert
HEY! The bastard stole my joke!!! I made that joke more than a year ago!! COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT, that hack!
Heh. I just wanted a chance to call Scott Adams a hack legitimately.
And no, I did not send in that question, even if it is a question I ask myself every waking moment.
Nov. 8th, 2005
04:58 pm - Fan For Life
Two Carolina Panthers cheerleaders were arrested Saturday night in a Tampa Bay bar after a dispute with the other women at the bar who accused them of hogging a toilet stall because they were having sex inside.
Two reactions:
WOO-HOO!! GO CAROLINA!!! PANTHERS ALL THE WAY!!! I'll be a life-long Carolina Panthers fan, I swear!
And...
What the fuck? When did Tampa women become such prudes? I mean these two women were doing something important! Is one toilet stall more important than lesbian sex? I think not!
But then again, you shouldn't cross a beered up chick with a full bladder. They don't take too kindly when you tell them that they can go pee against a tree.
Bushes, maybe, but not trees.
Nov. 7th, 2005
12:55 pm - Cranky in B Minor
I worked until 11 PM on Friday night, and since it was Friday night, the little street in front of the company was very busy. As I was driving down the alley, a couple standing against the wall caught my eye. Of course I looked, and there was a guy and a chick, leaning against the retaining wall, making out.
Upon further observation, I determined that the couple were from our company. So I stopped my car for a second, rolling down the window, shouting at them to go home and go to bed, since it's getting late.
It's not that I'm getting old or anything. Although it might look like I'm turning into an old curmdudgeon or something. I was only jealous, I swear. I wanted to be the one making out, leaning against the wall over there.
Of course, if I did that, I'd probably get fired...but hey, it'll be worth it, you know?
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